Sorry

I feel sorry about my absence, but as I told you before, I don't have any internet in the near of my house in the town where I live with LoVe, so I can only use Internet when I'm at my Mom's flat like now. 

I did write blog without Internet still and I saved those posts to my pendrive what I forgot to carry with myself when I came home. So, all the stories about my New Year's Eve and so will be posted next time I come home, until then I'm gonna write. I already wrote, so I post it right now.

2011-01-11

Second day without LoVe. I had hard moments yesterday when I wanted to wrapped my arms around him, I wanted him to be with me, but today it's all gone. I'm happy alone.

On Sunday, he brought me and mom home and he stood with me all night long and only went home on Monday early morning. I let him go without a sad word.

Yesterday was anyway a bad day, even if I didn't miss him too much, but Mom and my sister made me angry. The plan was that that Mom and I will go to my sis on Friday because she's gonna get her diploma on Saturday in the form of a ceremony, but she called us on Monday that something is wrong. She lives with our aunt who is only 5 years older than me and aunt's friend who has the rent. My sis asked that friend that will she be there at the rent this weekend and the girl said she won't but behind the back of my sis, my aunt and the friend talked about that the girl's parents will be there this weekend, so it seems to that we'll be 9 in that rent which is so so so little for even 6 person, not 9! So... I decided that I won't go on Friday night, but on Saturday's morning and I'll come back in the afternoon. Of course, it was originally Mom's plan but after some hours she changed her mind and said, we should go on Friday... A-a... I said no. She doesn't like the idea of my changes, but I said I really won't go on Friday to hear and see how my all family is argue with each other. And I have my word. When I talked on phone with Granny I told her too and she didn't like it too, but I don't care.

And... the real reason why I'm really here is the Internet. Or, it was. Because yesterday afternoon all the Internet and the cabel tv was gone. I called up the sevice today and they said they will send someone to fix the problem in 72 hours. Fine. But until? What should I do here? I cleaned up the whole house, watched movies... Like I am at home...

I finished Vanity Fair yesterday and I thought about something strange. Our love with LoVe is so like that George and Amelia's. LoVe as George, wants to have fun in every occassion, never think seriously. And there is me as Amelia: I love him truely, unconditionally and irrevocably. And at the end of their story we could see, they really didn't match.

But Vanity Fair didn't tell what if George didn't marry Miss Amelia Sedley but someone else, someone stronger and meaner like him... What would happen if George would marry Miss Rebecca Sharp?
Because this time I'm more like Becky than Emmy. I'm confident in our relationship but I can say it easily because I'm away from him right now and it's not so sure that I can be that confident in the near of him. Maybe I will break when I'll go back. But I'm pretty sure or at least, I hope I won't. It's the third day without him and in the past I would go back to him to be his little puppy. But not this time. Not just because I can't, but because I don't want to. It's a training for myself, to excersise my mind and my heart for distance. Distance, what separate me from him in mind and heart, to be able to live alone if it's neccessary or possible. Because in that little town I am closed. In mind and in phisically too. I have no mood to go out to the city, I just sit in that house and wait until I can start cooking or something... Such a boredom. 

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Well, that's all what had happened. Now, I'm sitting in front of the laptop appr. 12 hours ago and I haven't talk with LoVe for 9 hours. He told he will call me and he usually does it, but... it's 21:13 and no calling. Hm, there are four options.

1. He is sleeping right now which is not surprising.

2. He is in a bar right now which is not surprising either, but really annoying.

3. He is at our friend's and drinking-chatting. It'd be kind of okay.

4. He is playing computer games.

But even one of them is true, that doesn't mean he couldn't call me for 9 hours! And why I can kick out the first option is that he poked me on Facebook some minutes ago... But no phone calling... Nice. And I shouldn't be angry? I'm not angry, really. Just... I don't care. He plays like this, I will play like this too. And who will be offended about it? Not me...

Anyway... Two days until my Sis's diploma ceremony and I only could download one movie of her wishlist. 

The three movies:

• Eat, pray, love
• Going the Distance
• The Ghost Writer

Each are very great movie, I think and would be pleasure to be the one who can give it to her, so I work hard to can download each of them. But T-Mobile makes my work even harder. Sometimes I have Internet, sometimes I don't have Internet... in the middle of the downloading. Hm.... I tried to download GTD 6 times when I said I gave up. But then I took a deep deep deep breath and tried again. And now I got it! Hehehhhehhhhheeehhhhheeeee! Fuck you, T-Mobile!

With this nice thought I wish you good night or day!